Too Close to Love?

(Written April 12, 2007)

How is it that so many of us have come to the conclusion that we should follow this unwritten rule that friends should never date? Does it make sense that when we reach a certain type of closeness with someone that it should eliminate any potential of furthering that relationship? Personally, I do not share this philosophy. But this is what I've heard from other people as to why they do:

The most common thing I hear is that they're afraid of losing this person as a friend. They've already established themselves as good friends, and they fear that if they get into a romantic relationship, things might get awkward and eventually destroy the friendship. I do understand this, but I also think that it's definitely a risk worth taking, as I firmly believe that the most destructive risk in life is not taking one. It is especially a risk worth taking if there are feelings there. If there aren't any feelings beyond friendship, then obviously, they shouldn't date. But I think it's very unfortunate when two people have feelings for each other, and they don't pursue anything solely on the basis that they're already friends.

To me, friendship seems like an excellent foundation from which to build a good, healthy romantic relationship. I guess I may feel this way partly because I have this ideal in my mind and in my heart that whoever I marry will be my best friend. And I see no reason why I shouldn't have this expectation. Afterall--whether we realize it or not--friendship is a type of love. Why should I want to be with someone that I'm anxious and nervous around (which seems to often be our first choice), when I could be with someone that I can be completely comfortable and myself around? And friendship is a good way to establish that type of comfort.

I know I may be in the minority on this one, because I've talked with tons of people that will never, under any circumstance, date their friends. I guess I just would like to know why that is. It seems to me that we put ourselves through an awful lot of anxiety and pressure, quite needlessly, because we're such loyal followers of this strange rule.