The Profound Power of Just Listening

(Written October 22, 2008)

Through the years of meeting and interacting with many people who I've come to care very deeply for, I've begun to realize that most of what I can do to show I care is inadequate. This is frustrating to me, as it has become important to me for people in my life to know how much they mean to me. I'm sure I'm not the only person to have ever encountered this frustration. I know that everyone has people in their lives that they wish really knew how important and special they are.

Simply saying so never seems like enough. There are a few reasons for this. The one I witness the most is that people often don't believe it when compliments like that are given. Unfortunately, that can stem from having experienced people giving them insincere compliments. So, aside from just saying so, and maybe even serving them, what is a sure way to let someone know that you care about them?

I've thought about this a lot, and one thing I thought of is the impact it has on people when you choose to just listen to them. I can think of no more profound and real way to show someone you care. Too often, when loved ones (friends included) come to us with problems, we're quick to offer suggestions or help. While I'm sure that the sincerity from those selfless choices is sometimes felt and appreciated, I would say that most of the time, it is better to just listen; let them get whatever it is off their chests, and maybe even cry with them if it comes to that.

Emotions are complicated things; more complicated than we often care to admit. And it occurs to me that a lot of the time, we may not even understand why we're feeling sad or frustrated. I've had that happen to me a few times, where I'll feel sadness, and at the same time, feel confusion as to the source of the sadness. Why the heck am I feeling sad? It can be extremely frustrating. For someone to tell a person experiencing this that they shouldn't be sad, or offer some solution would sometimes just make it worse. And it may even give off the impression (false, though it may be) that they don't care enough to at least try to spend the time to just hear the person out; let them vent. It could seem like they're just trying to find the quick, easy way out. Since when has it ever been quick and easy to overcome an undesired emotion? For someone to look you in the eye, listen, go through the emotion with you, and then ultimately overcome it together...I can't think of a more powerful token of friendship and/or love.

I don't know, I've just thought about this a lot I guess, because the list of people that I feel some sort of affection for just keeps growing. I'm very interested in finding a way to make that affection more obvious, rather than just letting it sit. But I also think that if everyone were to make a concerted effort to just listen to each other, then it can't be helped that understanding would increase, and there would eventually be less prejudices and misguided hatred in the world. Imagine that. All from just listening.

As a good friend of mine, Heather Larsen, once said, "We have two ears and just one mouth; so we should listen twice as much as we speak." Perhaps God designed us this way for this very purpose. We're supposed to be more like Him, right? When have you ever known Him to not be willing to listen to your prayers? Likewise, we should always be willing to listen to those that we care about.