Life Changes...

(Written June 6, 2007)

A lot of people are naturally afraid of change. Unfortunately, I sometimes allow myself to fall into that category. I think it's a shame though, because, change is one way that we can learn and grow. In fact, I will submit that it is actually impossible to grow as a human being without change.

A few of you know that I have recently decided to move to Utah this summer to work, and then to go to school. Before I reached this decision though, I went through some pretty intense depression for the first time in my life. Looking back at it, objectively, I realize that I allowed myself to fear the possibility of change. That fear brought me down to a dark place within myself that I had never been to before. It brought out strong feelings of inadequacy and hopelessness. I am extremely thankful to be out of that place now, and hope never to go back. I will not attempt to describe the details of these feelings, or how I escaped them, except to say that I do not think I could have done it alone.

I feel that I need to take this opportunity to thank all of you, my wonderful friends, for being there for me exactly when I needed you to be. One very good friend helped me to snap out of it by telling me I was being impatient. It may not seem like it, but that's exactly what I needed to hear. I had placed my own life on a timeline that has been presumptuously created by our own ill-informed society, which tells us that we should have accomplished a certain number of things by a predestined time. When it seemed to me that my life failed to meet those requirements, it brought me down. The reality is that this false timeline only exists within the confines of a delusional society. When it was brought to my attention that I was being impatient, it gave me something that I could address and work on. It also helped me realize that the things I want in life are worth fighting for. Any aspiration worth aspiring to requires patience. How much more satisfying will it be to reach the end of the road after working so hard?

You, my friends, I consider to be supernal gifts. You have acted as beacons to help me get back to experiencing happiness and hope. I thank you for that!